We were 3 hours out of Barstow in the great white whale (a DEC 5000--slow, but steady) and my companion (a 350-pound Samoan hacker named Oscar) had just opened up another sixpack of Jolt Cola which we had collected (along with the six large supreme pizzas, the almond M&Ms, and the raisin bagels) before leaving the Bolo Lounge at the Beverly Hills MUD in a frenzied geek scavenger hunt....the only thing that worried me, though, was the Jolt. There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a hacker in the depths of a Jolt Cola binge.
As we drove through the virtual desert I began to see huge bats flying at me as the dawn sunlight filtered through the blinds covering the windows of the computer center. I looked over at my attorney...er hacker buddy Oscar. He was pouring Jolt Cola onto his pale bare chest in an attempt to facilitate the tanning process. I didn't tell him about the bats....after a six-pack of Jolt, he would see them soon enough.
The fools at net.serf had already advanced me $500 which had funded our geek shopping spree and ensured that we would have enough cash on hand to buy off any indignant SA that might object to our swilling Jolt(tm) and general swinishness in a public computer lab. The area around our work station already looked like the dumpster behind an all-you-can eat pizza parlor, but we were well stoked for our journey.
'Man, this is the way to cruise,' said my 350-pound Samoan hacker buddy as he adjusted the volume on the sound card so that the blare of the Sex Pistols 'Anarchy for the UK' drowned out the elevator music coming from the Walkman of some poor schmuck who at least showed the good sense to log in to a computer on the other side of the room.
My hacker noticed the freshman before I did. 'Maybe we should take that kid on a spin with us,' and before I could say anything, he had already waved the poor chump over. The kid's eyes lit up like Christmas,
'Dang, I never got to log onto one of those machines before!' he said pulling up a chair.
'Welcome aboard,' I said feigning enthusiasm. My hacker buddy eyed him like a leopard selecting a weak young dik dik for supper.
'We're not like the rest of them,' he said waving to the near empty room, 'We're your friends.' He began to giggle spilling Jolt on the kid's backpack.
He's about to lose it, I thought. 'Behave or I'll have too put the dogs on you,' I said quietly. My hacker buddy seemed to understand. The evil glare seemed less harsh and he relaxed a bit. I hoped that the Pistols had drowned out everything and that the kid was too naive to expect any deep weirdness.