Welcome to the Adventures of Dartzo! The stuffed bear!

Hi! I'm Dartzo the stuffed bear, created sometime around 2006. I'm a typical stuffed animal, made like all others before being placed on a store shelf to be purchased. My master, Doug, bought me on a whim just before Christmas.

Here's my picture:

Some of my friends worry that I'm being abused. But I assure you, I'm just an inanimate object. I can feel no pain! My master often uses me for target practice with his blowgun. Since I'm not alive, it doesn't hurt at all! In fact I enjoy my time with my master! Here's a picture where I'm doing what I was destined to do. Hopefully, my master will benefit from what little help I can afford!

Now, master did shoot me with a few 62 caliber bamboo darts. And those do hurt as far as doing damage! But they also bounce off of my stuffing a lot! I'm a resilient stuffed animal! I'm best suited for the little 50 caliber wire darts. They penetrate better without the tearing quality of the larger calibers!

"If I only had a brain..."

I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin' while my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
I'd unravel every riddle for any individ'le,
In trouble or in pain.
With the thoughts you'll be thinkin' you could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain.
Oh, I could tell you why the ocean's near the shore.
I could think of things I never thunk [sic] before.
And then I'd sit, and think some more.
I would not be just a nothin' my head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry,
If I only had a brain.